Healing Isn’t a Line to Walk, It’s a Path to Find

Oct 10

It was a late summer day with a chilly Pacific Northwestern breeze sneaking a kiss on my cheeks ever so lightly. The sun peeked through the clouds signaling the early signs of autumn’s impending arrival. The subtle whiff of the French vanilla creamer in my coffee tempted me to take another sip.

All of this seemed unimportant and unnecessary to me, though. My focus was stolen by the little screen in my hands that showed me a list of potential therapists I could connect with. Having called nearly all of them without any luck, and with just five minutes left in my lunch break, I had almost given up. This is when I got a call back from one of the therapists I had reached out to – let’s call her Aurora for the sake of the story.

Aurora had a gentle and confident voice, asking me questions not just about myself, but encouraging me to think about what I’m seeking in my therapist. The short conversation left with me a sense of hope as I returned to work. I had an appointment set up, and for the first time ever, a therapist had asked me to reflect on my own needs and preferences rather than being merely pathology-focused.

That conversation, which lasted less than five minutes, led to a healing journey with Aurora that is still continuing seven years later. Aurora has time and time again, helped me understand the parts of myself that I’ve been hiding from, the parts I’ve kept hidden, the parts that show up on their own accord, and the parts of myself that I tend to elevate more than others.

I found in my therapist, an individual who allowed me to be my messy self without judgment and with hope. Aurora not only supported me during our sessions but would come back to the next session having researched and learned more about my South Asian identity. She was the first therapist to elevate my bicultural identity and consider it as a significant part of my healing. This was especially important to me as mental health is still a taboo subject in my culture. At every step of the way, she helped me recognize my intersectional identities and integrate all parts of myself to accept my genuine self as worthy of love, growth, and respect. One thing that Aurora has taught me in this time is that healing and growing is forever. It is not linear, it is not smooth, and it is not easy.

As a person who tends to choose difficult things in life, Aurora was the person I needed to keep me connected to myself and give me the tools to do it on my own. Two years ago, when the bureaucracy of our public education system became too much for me, I decided to leave teaching and pursue a career in mental health. Aurora has been my inspiration to treat my own clients the same way she treated me. She has been my inspiration to open up doors to healing and growth for others, just as she did for me.

Today, I sit under a cozy blanket, a chilly Midwestern breeze raises the hair on my arms. I sneak a peek at the clouds through the window before slowly closing my eyes. I wrap my arms around my body rubbing my shoulders. Tears roll down my cheeks as I think about the lost 23-year-old scrambling for support. I think about how far I’ve come, yet how much room I have to grow. The difference this time around is that I know and understand myself a little better now. I have been lucky enough to build my life with people around me that help me see those parts of myself in a real light. I have been lucky enough to help my family recognize the importance of mental health, so we can heal together. I have my therapist to thank for never giving up on me.

On World Mental Health Day, I am sharing this snippet of my own story, not just as a therapist, but as someone who knows the profound impact of receiving support. As a South Asian therapist, I recognize that the work one does within therapy is not just about oneself. It’s about healing through generations of trauma, relearning our cultural beliefs, and understanding our identities in a world that is constantly telling us who to be and how to be.